I HEART SHINHWA <3

Friday, January 11, 2008

@ 3:15 AM

HATE

i really hate the word 'FAMILY'. it has NO meaning in my life. i HATE it ALL. even the one i thought i would nv HATE and is the oni true one i have...now i think i HATE her too...............WHY?

i DO NOT know WHY. perhaps its just ACCUMULATED HATE or ACCUMULATED ANGER. i DO NOT know.

i SO HATE HOME now. 'HOME'. another word which i HATE. another word that has NO meaning in my life. i SHLD cherish tt i am given a HOME. BUT. im being an ungrateful gal and im so HATING it. im SORRY.

to tt someone. not e one i thought i oni HAD. wat do u noe? u noe NTH. and u are the one who is SELFISH. and RUDE. and SICKENINGLY IRRITATING FUCKIING STINKING SUCKY YUCKY DISGUSTING CHILDISH STUPID IDIOTIC BLOODY FUCKING BITCH. sometime. i feel like beating you up. but i always hold it in. perhaps, tt is a wrong decision. tis is not the 1st time im saying this. I HATE YOU. like TOTALLY.

wat are FAMILIES for? i hv no IDEA. irony is. i have a module on sg FAMILIES. im studying abt sg FAMILIES but i TOTALLY DO NOT understand my own FAMILY. i wonder if mine is even called FAMILY.

i am SICK n TIRED of EVERYTHING. I WANT TO RUN AWAY. from EVERYTHING. i want to move out. i want to run far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, AWAY from EVERYTHING.

i've not told anyone about what im gg to say now. well, who's interested anyway? shld i even say it out now? who bothers to read anyway? all ppl can say when they see my entries is, "so long and wordy. i lazy to read."

well. if anyone bothers to read anyway, i shall just say it out. u can say im seekng attention. maybe tt's wat i seriously need. esp from who i really want it from. i cant believe it. i think i HATE her yet i want her attention. im CRAZY.

point is. recently, i've been thinking alot about this. to DIE. maybe its just a rash thought. something that i think is the best way to run away from whatever i was stressing about at tt moment. maybe i truly feel so. but i regret the next moment when i've calmed down a bit. then, when i start stressing or thinking about the problem again. i feel that way again. perhaps, i've got no point in my life to live for. not even ONE. whatever i've done or am doin. NOTHING is appreciated. EVERYBODY just forgets EVERYTHING. maybe i should too. maybe i should forget EVERYTHING. maybe i should just GO. who cares anyway? it does not make a difference. maybe they would even feel happier. wow. finally. no one to fight with for the laptop. or vodafone. no one around for you to call SELFISH. or whatever you want to call. NO ONE anymore.

then again. after ranting about it. i regret. feel that it is very foolish. but when the same thing happens again. i feel again.

perhaps, HER biasness is KILLING me. is DISCOURAGING me. is BRINGING me DOWN. is DRIVING me CRAZY. is SO MAKING ME FEEL LIKE GOING.

i know people might say that im being silly. rash. foolish. ETC.

BUT. in the 1st place. who cares? no one bothers to read anyway.

since no one bothers to read.

what am i typing for then?

I HEART SHINHWA <3